What's Your Number?
by Red Witch
Summary: Once again the Brotherhood have devised a new way of driving the X-Men crazy. And making math more confusing than it has to be.


**The disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is off doing a math problem somewhere. And here is some mutant math madness that came into my head. **

**What's Your Number?**

"Scott are you sure this is necessary?" Jean asked. The main X-Men team was all suited up and Scott was driving the X-Van.

"The police scanner said that mutants were attacking the Blue Bird Burger Nest," Scott said. "It has to be the Brotherhood! We have to stop them!"

"Why us? Why is it always **us**?" Rogue groaned.

"I'm not complaining," Bobby said. "Hey it gets us out of Danger Room practice with Wolverine."

"You have a point," Rogue admitted. "For once those yahoo's antics are doing some good. Well for us anyway."

Scott parked the X-Van in front of the restaurant. "It's kind of quiet. Are you sure they're here?" Kitty asked.

"AAAAAAAHH!" Two cops ran out the front door, jumped into a police vehicle and drove away.

"They're here," Scott said as the team ran up to the front of the restaurant. "Nightcrawler look inside and see what the Brotherhood is doing!"

Kurt was closest to the window and peeked in. "They're not doing anything."

"What do you mean they're not doing **anything?**" Scott snapped. "It's the Brotherhood they **have** to do something! They're always doing **something**!"

"If by something you mean sitting down then yeah, they're doing _something_," Kitty noticed as she looked in a different window.

"She's right," Rogue looked in another window with the rest of the team. "They don't look like they're doing anything to me."

"Of course they are! They're the Brotherhood! They always cause trouble!" Scott said. "Why else would those police officers run out screaming?"

"Maybe Blob was telling an Aunt Ralph story?" Rogue suggested.

"Scott they're just sitting at a booth and arguing," Jean said.

"Probably about how to divide the money," Scott grumbled as they went into the restaurant.

The Brotherhood boys were indeed at a large booth arguing over something. A lot of food was on the table and they were eating as well as arguing. "Pietro the numbers don't lie!" Todd spat out.

"Of course they're lying! They have to lie!" Pietro was fuming about something.

"Face the facts Quicksilver…" Lance said.

"The facts are you guys are making all this up in order to make me look bad!" Pietro said.

"You're the one who made up this system in the first place!" Todd shouted.

"IT'S A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!" Pietro shouted.

"What are you maniacs doing **now?"** Scott snapped as the X-Men walked up to the Brotherhood at their booth. "What kind of trouble are you causing?"

"Uh Scott," Kitty realized something. "I don't think they're doing anything."

"It's the Brotherhood. Of course they're doing something!" Scott snapped. "We've been over this!"

"Oh yes, we're sitting a booth eating a meal we **paid** for and talking," Lance rolled his eyes and picked up a napkin. "We're such a menace to society. Look, I'm now using a napkin to wipe my face! Ooooh!"

"You actually **paid **for a meal?" Kurt blinked.

"We got a lot of coupons we got online," Todd said as he munched some fries. "It's legal!"

"Cyclops this place looks neat. Like they didn't even have a food fight or anything," Kitty looked around. "Okay what did you do? Why did those cops flee in panic?"

"Oh…Right. Well I kind of had an overdose of chili fries and when I went to use the bathroom…" Fred began.

"Never mind, I think I just figured it out…" Kitty winced.

"What is having a bowel movement illegal now?" Fred snapped. "It's not like I did it in front of everybody!"

"Okay Blob…" Scott sighed.

"I'm a little private about that sort of thing," Fred went on. "Unlike my Aunt Ralph…"

"Enough! We get it!" Rogue snapped.

"Yeah those Aunt Ralph stories would make **anyone** scream," Bobby winced.

"No, they screamed because they panicked over nothing," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Okay Blob's gas was something and I wouldn't use the men's room for a few weeks but still…"

"They're not lying Scott," Jean said. "They really did pay for the meal."

"You use your telepathy to find that out Red?" Lance scoffed.

"No, I can see your receipt on the table," Jean picked it up. "Wow, you really did use a lot of coupons."

"You get a good value for your meal if you order combos," Todd explained. "And you can used double coupons on a Wednesday before 4 PM."

"Well…They still must have did something else to make everyone run out of here," Scott frowned.

"Summers this might come as a shock to you but there are a lot of people who just don't like mutants," Lance gave him a look. "They'd freak out no matter what we do. Even if we're just standing around."

"I find that hard to believe," Scott glared at him.

"Are they gone…?" A man in a Blue Bird uniform stuck his head in. "BLUE DEMON! MORE MUTANTS! AAAAH!" He fled the scene.

"Well that's really good for my self-esteem," Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I see your point," Scott said.

"Anything else you want to question us about Summers?" Lance folded his arms.

Scott turned to the other X-Men. "I'm only going to ask because I really don't want to go back and finish Wolverine's training session."

"Gotcha," Bobby nodded.

Scott turned. "What are you guys arguing about?"

"We came up with this new system of valuing mutant powers," Pyro explained. "It's a points system."

"Like Weight Watchers?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah only you **want** the points to add up," Pyro nodded. "Each mutant power has been given an assigned number and added together along with any personal abilities or traits that may not necessarily be mutant related."

"Again, I'm only asking because I don't want to go back and face Wolverine," Scott sighed as he looked at his team. Then he looked at Pyro. "Huh?"

"Take me for an example," Lance said.

"Do we have to?" Scott asked. Jean gave him a look. "What? I'm just asking!"

"I can create seismic tremors, earthquakes. That's two points," Lance said.

"Two points?" Rogue asked.

"One point is for an average power or skill," Lance explained. "Anything that's powerful, very destructive or useful is two or three. Earthquakes are destructive. Therefore it's two points."

"So you only have two points?" Kitty asked.

"I'm not done yet," Lance said. "Stop interrupting me when I talk Kitty. We're not dating anymore."

"Burn!" Pyro giggled.

"As I was saying, in addition to the two points I have some limited geokinesis due to my powers," Lance went on. "So that's another point."

"You get a point for just moving rocks around?" Rogue asked.

"I'm an excellent mechanic so that's a point. And I can play a musical instrument so that's another point," Lance went on.

"Wait, you get a point for just playing your guitar?" Kitty asked.

"Can **you **play the guitar?" Todd asked.

"Uh no…" Kitty blinked.

"Musical instruments are a skill. Therefore he gets a point," Todd said. "So that's five points total. Therefore his level is five. This is pretty average if you think about it."

"Of course **you** would say that!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "Mister Nine Points!"

"That many?" Kurt asked. "How does _Toad_ get **that many**?"

"One point for his jumping ability," Pietro counted. "One point for being able to stick to walls. One point for that tongue of his…"

"I still say it's worth a two," Todd grumbled.

"One point for that slime that comes out of his mouth…" Pietro went on. "Another point for his superhuman flexibility and agility. And another point for his lower body strength…"

"What do you mean lower body strength?" Rogue asked.

"I can leg press almost two tons, working on three," Todd said. "I got the lower body strength yo."

"Doesn't that go under legs which should count as only one?" Bobby asked.

"Not really. It's one thing to jump high it's another to be able to bench press a few tons with your legs," Fred explained. "I mean if you scare Pietro enough he can jump as high as Toad but he can't do leg presses worth squat."

"Oh yeah I see what you mean," Bobby blinked.

"Hey!" Pietro snapped. "My legs are built for speed. Not super strength! Besides they are plenty strong enough to do the job!"

"And we've witnessed them doing their job whenever you run away from your sister," Pyro quipped.

"Shut up Pyro!" Pietro sulked.

"Add three more points: One for Toad's skill in pickpocketing…" Lance said.

"A useful skill for crooks," Rogue glared.

"Cough! (Boyfriend Gambit)!" Todd coughed.

"One for his skill with machinery…" Lance went on.

"As witnessed with the recent rocket into space…" Todd said proudly.

"And another for his webbed toes and that brings him up to 9," Lance finished.

"How are webbed toes worth a point?" Scott asked.

"Toad may not shower much but he is a good swimmer," Fred said. "And since the polar ice caps are melting faster than a kid's ice cream cone on a summer's day, swimming will no longer be optional in the future."

"Actually that does make sense," Kurt blinked.

"It **does?**" Kitty exclaimed.

"You guys have been watching the Big Bang Theory again haven't you?" Scott groaned.

"Why not? It's a real educational show and it's funny too!" Fred smiled.

"Now I can manipulate fire and that is a two point power," Pyro went on. "Plus I have the ability to cook…"

"That's a skill worth a point?" Kitty shouted.

"It is in our house," Lance said. "Again, can **you** cook?"

"Okay you got that right," Bobby admitted.

"BOBBY!" Kitty fumed.

"Well you **can't** cook!" Bobby said.

"Truth hurts Shadowcat," Rogue said. "Gotta give it to him."

"Plus I am also a world renowned author thus having a writing skill…" Pyro went on.

"And bringing some actual money into our group," Lance added.

"That is another point. And I get another point for knowing CPR," Pyro said proudly.

"Another skill that is very valuable in our house," Lance sighed.

"So I am a six," Pyro said.

"Pyro we have been over this!" Lance fumed. "Being Australian isn't a superpower or a talent!"

"It is if you're Australian and everyone else isn't!" Pyro preened.

"So I'm a nine, Lance and Pyro are fives," Todd went on. "While Freddy is a six and Pietro is a three."

"Okay how does **Blob **outrank Quicksilver?" Jean asked. "I gotta know this!"

"It's all in the numbers," Todd said. "First, Freddy's got that invulnerable skin. That's worth two points right there."

"Especially if people shoot bullets at you," Fred nodded.

"Okay I'll buy that," Rogue shrugged.

"Now another point for super strength," Todd showed the X-Men a piece of paper. "Another point for that gravitational thing he has going on that makes him unmovable when he wants to be."

"Since when is fat a superpower?" Rogue grumbled.

"It's not fat!" Fred glared at her. "It's a mini gravitational force I can do! I don't know the exact science; I just know it makes me unmovable!"

"Unmovable because you have a lot of fat," Rogue grimaced.

"That's my mutation. What's **your **excuse?" Fred spat out.

"Plus another point for being able to cook," Lance said.

"And don't forget Freddy can speak Chinese," Pyro said.

"How could we ever after hearing that insane story about his family?" Scott groaned.

"Hey! Being able to speak another language is a skill!" Fred spoke up.

"Which brings Blob to six," Lance said.

"I still can't be lower than Blob!" Pietro shouted. "Or any of you for that matter! I have super speed for crying out loud!"

"That's worth a two and only two," Pyro said.

"I can run on water!" Pietro said.

"So can anybody if the water's frozen," Todd gave him a look. "Still under super speed. If you can stop and not sink **that** would be a power!"

"Okay so I can create mini tornadoes! That's got to be worth at least a couple points!" Pietro spat.

"Again, because you can run really fast," Fred said. "That goes under Super Speed!"

"Wait a minute, you counted Toad's legs three times! You should at least count my speed twice!" Pietro said.

"No, we counted his legs for jumping, his lower body strength once which covers not just the legs, but the buttocks and the lower back," Pyro said. "And his toes. That's three different body parts. Well actually four body parts but still…"

"We gave you a point for sewing," Todd said. "That's a valuable skill."

"But three? **Three?**" Pietro huffed. "I'm insulted! I have plenty of other talents that you haven't even considered! I'm devastatingly good looking…"

"That only counts if you're a girl," Fred rolled his eyes.

"Sexist!" Pietro snapped. "What about my leadership skills?"

"**What** leadership skills?" Lance snapped. "Toad led us to more victories than you!"

"Yeah and he was only in charge of our online video game strategies," Fred pointed out.

"My acting talent!" Pietro hammed it up. "Oh Juliet! Juliet? Where are ya Juliet baby? I wanna kiss you!"

"I wanna throw up after hearing that!" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"X-Men you don't have a side in this! You're all about being fair and stuff! Tell them that I do **not** deserve a three!" Pietro pointed to his team. "Go on! Tell them!"

"I dunno, Quicksilver," Scott smirked. "Three sounds pretty accurate to me."

"Especially if you deduct a few points for being annoying," Rogue said.

"A lot of points for being annoying," Jean added.

"Yeah you're a three all right," Bobby nodded.

"Three it is," Kurt said.

"WHO ASKED YOU?" Pietro shouted. "You're all low numbers anyway!"

"Are you kidding?" Pyro gave Pietro a look. "Nightcrawler alone is at least a nine! That's twice more than you!"

"Wait I'm a nine?" Kurt asked.

"Kurt can't be a **nine!"** Bobby protested.

"Let's add it up," Todd wrote down. "Two points for teleportation. Which is admittedly a useful power."

"You bet baby!" Kurt gave two thumbs up.

"Another point for being blue and furry, because well…" Todd looked at Kurt. "That's gotta be worth some of the hassle anyway."

"Chicks dig the fuzzy dude," Kurt said. "And it's warm in winter."

"The prehensile tail is another point and so is sticking to walls," Todd wrote down. "Another point for flexibility and agility. Plus I know he can see in the dark a little bit…So that's gotta be worth something."

"That's right! I do have some limited night vision," Kurt said.

"Yeah but it's not full night vision so it's only half a point!" Pietro said.

"And he can partially blend into shadows so that's another half point," Todd said. "Which brings it up to seven…"

"Don't forget Kurt can speak German and English so he's bilingual," Fred spoke out. "That's another point!"

"That's right! And I am very good at fencing!" Kurt said. "That's nine! Hold on, I just realized that I know how to fly the X-Jet! Flying a plane counts right?"

"Yeah. When did you learn how to fly a plane?" Todd asked.

"Recently. Both Wolverine and Cyclops needed an excuse to get out of teaching Kitty how to drive," Kurt chuckled.

"Guess who had fewer crashes?" Scott asked.

"Why are you picking on me today?" Kitty snapped.

"They're not! They're picking on me for being a three! Which is an unfair number!" Pietro yelled.

"So that's a ten? Yes!" Kurt danced around. "Who da man? Who da man?"

"Except for Rogue everyone else on your team doesn't even come close," Pyro said.

"Kurt will you stop dancing…?" Jean stopped. "What do you mean except for **Rogue** we don't come close?"

"Well except for Nightcrawler obviously Rogue is the highest level out of all of you," Pyro blinked. "You didn't know that?"

"How could we know that? You just came up with this insane…craziness a few hours ago!" Jean snapped.

"How do you figure Rogue's a high level?" Kitty asked.

"Well to start off with her powers are at least a three," Pyro began.

"Oh yeah definitely," Todd nodded.

"Why a three?" Rogue asked, suddenly interested.

"Because technically you can have any power you want. And you have the bonus of absorbing memories as well as knocking people out," Todd explained. "Wait that brings it up to five."

"Her power gets her a **five?**" Kitty asked.

"Just to start with," Pyro said. "Then you gotta throw in the other stuff."

"Yeah Rogue knows French as a second language," Todd said.

"I wonder **why**? Cough (Gambit)!" Pietro coughed.

"I knew French before I met that Swamp Rat," Rogue glared at him.

"Hey you also know German too," Kurt said.

"Well yeah I've absorbed you enough times for me to learn the basics," Rogue said. "And you taught me a few things as well."

"Two languages, two points!" Pyro said. "That brings it up to seven."

"Doesn't that go under powers?" Jean asked.

"Learning languages permanently is a separate skill," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Wait! I just realized I know another language!"

"Pig Latin doesn't count," Lance said.

"No! I mean Romani. I know some Romani. At least I used to," Pietro blinked. "Wait a minute!" He spoke several strange words.

"You want to give a dog an orange juice and a yellow dress?" Kurt blinked.

"How do you know what he said?" Lance asked.

"My adopted parents are Romani. I learned the language," Kurt said.

"Kurt also knows another language! Give him one more point to bring it up to 11!" Fred told Todd.

"Oh yeah! I like this system!" Kurt grinned.

"So Rogue is still only a seven! That's four points lower than Nightcrawler!" Jean said.

"I survived living with the Brotherhood for several months," Rogue gave her a look. "That's got to be worth at least one point!"

"Gotta give her this one Jean," Scott said. "The guys and I spent some time over there and we could barely last a couple of days."

"Right during that whole cartoon mess," Bobby nodded.

"Fine! We'll bring it up to eight!" Jean admitted.

"And Rogue can not only drive a motorcycle she can fix one," Bobby added.

"Nine then!" Jean snapped.

"And she is the best hand to hand combat fighter out of all of us," Bobby went on. "So that's ten."

"Who are you? The President of Rogue's Fan Club?" Jean snapped.

"Now why are **you **so upset Jean?" Pietro mocked. "Let's do the math shall we? Two points for telekinesis, two for telepathy…That's it!"

"Wait a minute!" Jean snapped. "That **can't** be it!"

"Yeah what about the points for being good looking?" Scott said.

"YEAH? WHAT ABOUT THOSE?" Jean shouted.

"Nice save, Summers," Lance smirked. "We did but we had to deduct two for being annoying."

"Oh yeah I can see that," Bobby nodded.

"WHAT?" Jean snapped. "Let me see those numbers!" She grabbed the sheet.

"If she gets to see her numbers I get to see mine," Bobby spoke up.

"Yeah I want to see mine too!" Kitty spoke up. "Why do Kurt and Rogue have to hog all the attention?"

"Let me see those numbers again!" Jean grabbed a paper.

Scott looked around at his teammates and the Brotherhood arguing and figuring out numbers. "Oh what the heck?" He threw up his hands. "Still beats a training session with Wolverine. Alvers give me one of those papers…."

A little over an hour later…

"They should have been back an hour ago!" Logan fumed as he stormed up to the Blue Bird restaurant with Hank. "How long does it take to kick Brotherhood Butt?"

"Maybe they're taking their time?" Hank suggested. "That Danger Room scenario you made up looked quite hard…"

"I was making it interesting!" Logan snapped.

"Fire breathing werewolves and vampires with super speed," Hank said. "Yeah that was interesting all right."

"Hey the kids are the ones who like True Blood," Logan said. "I was just trying to give them a simulation they could relate to."

"Uh huh," Hank nodded.

"And FYI, all vampires have super speed. It's part of the package," Logan said.

"Maybe we have been hanging around the students too long?" Hank sighed as they went into the restaurant.

"Come on that has to be worth at least one point!" Scott shouted at Lance. Now the Brotherhood and X-Men were sitting at two booths doing paperwork and eating food.

"Okay fine. One point but that's all!" Lance agreed.

"Yes! My numbers are getting higher!" Scott laughed.

"Oh shut up Scott!" Jean snapped.

"Okay what is going on here?" Logan stormed in with Hank. "You guys have been in here for over an hour! How long does it take to kick the Brotherhood's…? What are you **doing?"**

"We're doing some math yo," Todd waved.

"It's really getting good now," Bobby nodded as he looked at a paper while drinking a shake.

"Especially since I got up to five!" Scott agreed. "Yes!"

"You're doing math…With the Brotherhood…" Logan blinked. "**Voluntarily?"**

"Boy they really didn't want to finish that Danger Room session with you did they?" Hank asked.

"Shut up, Beast," Logan growled.

"I **told** you those alien flame throwing clowns were overkill!" Hank snapped.

"They were not alien flame throwing clowns," Logan pointed out. "They were flame throwing Ifrit monsters that happened to look like clowns! I had trouble designing the faces!"

"And you're wondering why we didn't **want** to come back?" Rogue asked. "Math with the Brotherhood is a lot safer!"

"Okay, fine! Maybe that program was a little too much!" Logan put his hand on the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Message received! I'm gonna hit the head and then we are all going to get out of here!" He went to the Men's room.

"Wait! Wolverine don't…!" Kurt realized and called out.

"AAAGGGHHH! THE SMELL!" Logan yelled in agony as he opened the door.

"Open the door…" Kurt winced.

"Ooh, it still smells pretty bad," Todd winced. "And that's me talking!"

"AGGGH! I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Logan yelled as he ran out of the restaurant.

"Okay how many points is **that **worth?" Fred spoke up.

"At least a three," Kurt said.

"What?" Jean shouted.

"Jean his smell chased off **Wolverine!** You gotta give it to him," Scott said.

"Someone give me a paper," Hank moaned. "So I can write my **resume** on it! I need to find a new line of work!"


End file.
